by Toby O’Ryan

| revcom.us


The CDC today issued a warning against a major outbreak of MAD (Massive Asinine Delusion).

At an emergency news conference, Dr. Anthony Fauci announced that “the increasing and spreading belief against all evidence that Donald Trump won the election poses a terrible risk to public health, and it is mandatory that we move on this immediately, with testing, contact tracing and immediate treatment.”

Fauci was backed up in this by experts in mental health who flanked him on the panel. The noted epidemiologist called for making testing available immediately, but worried aloud that testing alone would not help. “Reasoning should be applied wherever possible,” and he sternly warned against the impulse to “slap some sense into these moronic fascists and vicious racists.” 

“I can understand the frustration,” said the longtime public health authority. “These people refuse to face reality, and this can become—and is growing—extremely dangerous.” Pausing, he looked up from his notes to say, “What’s more, these delusions, if acted upon, can have disastrous real-world implications.”

Flanked by other white-coated, grave-looking CDC officials, he expressed worry about upcoming Thanksgiving gatherings as “super-spreader events.” “You’ll get people all together in one room, breathing in outlandish conspiracy theories and then exhaling idiotic quotes from Rudolf Giuliani. The viral load of willful ignorance will be off the charts.” 

Fauci repeatedly warned against the tendency to shrug this off as a “bunch of morons.” “I can certainly understand that impulse,” he said. “But this is significantly more serious than the ordinary outbreaks of ASS (American Stupidity Syndrome).”

“Let me emphatically state: do not take this lightly,” the respected scientist said. “Such outbreaks in the past have led to witch hunts, the burning of books, the slaughters of minorities and the actual imposition of fascist regimes.”

Asked about vaccines, Fauci said that while some dedicated people are working hard to root the problem out at the systemic level, until that is accomplished there will be no permanent vaccine available for this disease. “The only known immediate antidote is massive nonviolent political opposition, in the streets, clearly stating the truth, emphatically pointing to the danger, and confronting those in the grips of this public-health menace.” 

Wiping his glasses, the noted physician warned that the current level of activity was insufficient. “What we saw on November 7, when cities erupted in spontaneous celebration of Trump’s decisive defeat, was an important first step. But it was not sufficient to flatten the curve, and people lost their will much too soon. We need to revive and expand such demonstrations until such time as the source of the virus is definitively removed from the disease epicenter in Washington, DC. And even then there will be a need for constant vigilance and, almost certainly, repeated treatment with massive political struggle.”

When CNN reporter Jim Acosta asked, “Are you saying that MAD will be around for a while?” the scientist looked sober and somewhat stern. “We cannot ‘get tired’ of fighting MAD,” he stated. “Let me emphasize again: people must stay in the streets as long as it takes. When people have failed in the past to meet the outbreak with the needed consistent treatment, the results have been disastrous.”


Appearing in the New York Times on Monday, November 9:

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